sw’as

As I promised on her Birthday card I’m writing a story which involves Hannah to be part of my much neglected Before I Forget series. This is a short and somewhat odd tale which involves a pretty disgusting ending.

When we were kids we had the absolute pleasure of a really grand swing (built by Dad, thanks Dad). Swinging (of the innocent variety) is inherently joyous for any kid and the bigger the swing the better. Our swing was big. Only coming a close second to the swing in thrilling childhood experiences is jumping on a trampoline. The only thing better than either of these things on their own is combining them into a whole afternoon of swinging bouncing fun! Getting a really good swing happening and using it to propel yourself through the air at speeds and heights almost certain to scare older people (most especially parents) before landing safely and with a healthy bounce is hard to top.

One sunny afternoon, Hannah and I were entertaining ourselves in exactly the way described and having a bunch of fun doing so, although I’m sure there were constant squabbles as to how long the other was taking to make the perilous and thrilling leap from swing to trampoline. On this afternoon I happened to be chewing gum (it must have been one of the rare occasions in our child hood when Mum and Dad let us have lollies). I must have tired of the gum, because I decided it would be a fun challenge to see how accurately I could spit the gum while mid swing, and as a result, I bet Hannah that while I was swinging and she was bouncing, I could spit the gum so accurately that I could land it in her mouth.

Han, being the intelligent girl she is, realised the likelihood of me doing such a thing was really very low. And so, she accepted the bet believing I couldn’t achieve such accuracy. I, of course, didn’t for a second believe I could actually pull off such and accurate gum spit either; but like that was ever going to stop me trying.

By now, you should all have a fair idea of the result here, but I’ll spell it out just in case. (As it plays in my head, the scene from here is in slow motion.) I spat the gum with blinding accuracy, landing it directly into Hannah’s mouth. No sooner had the well chewed and flavourless piece of gum successfully negotiated it’s way past lips and teeth to splatter onto tongue than the scene snapped from slow motion to fast forward with Hannah spitting the gum and clutching at her throat as though she had been poisoned. Good times.